October 4, 2005

Attorneys General Ban All Liquid

posted by Will Wilson @ 12:26 pm

When the Supreme Court ruled that Michigan could not prohibit out-of-state wine merchants, pinot patrons rejoiced from Ishpeming to Ypsilanti. Hey, more chardonnay means more melon blanc! Am I wrong?

I am wrong. Michigan AG Mike Cox has requested that a federal judge also ban in-state wine shipment for the time being. No booze for anybody from anybody, not in Michigan, pal! Cox argues that temporary temperance would allow the state legislature to amend the unconstitutional wine law. Ordinarily, AG Watch would give him the benefit of the doubt and let it slide…But!

Florida AG Charlie Crist filed a second gas-gouging suit. AG Watch ignored the first suit—as AG Watch’s mother would say, “everyone makes mistakes.” In any case, AG Watch commented already: Crist can either show collusion among Tallahassee petrol providers or reveal his own poor understanding of the pricing system …But!

These two seemingly unrelated events didn’t sit right…And that’s when it hit us: the Attorneys General—surely childhood’s wicked fantasms come to life—are trying to get rid of liquid! Tired of overrunning states of the union, the AGs have started an assault on a state of matter. Gasoline, check. Wine, check. Milk? Check. If an AG asks for a glass of water, RUN!

But run where? These people seem to have infinite juristidiction. Hmmm…a place AGs can’t invade?